Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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