I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
