well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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