and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
that's an acceptable place to lick
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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