i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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