He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
