i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
