I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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