Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize