just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize