There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I wish you could order shots online.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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