I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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