College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
you inspire me to be a worse person
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
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