Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
