I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I need a burrito and a hug.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
