your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I just gift wrapped bread.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
