I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
