sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
