I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
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