So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
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