But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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