My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I'm just crazy horny about you
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize