I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
