ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
