**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
