can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
