Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
