So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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