i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Randomize
