Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
