Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Randomize
