here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I would fuck him just for his dog
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
