Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
porn star boner night. come get it.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
