i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
