My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
