people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
