I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
