i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
