It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
