Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
