ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize
