wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
