I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
