drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
