porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
