a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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