I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
