I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
