I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
