You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
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