I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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