Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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