please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
