he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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