it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
