I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Randomize
