Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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