im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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