we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Man, jail baloney is awful.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
