I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
