While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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