glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize