This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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