he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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