mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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