Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
tell me about the eggs
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
