how can u be prego again
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
