you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
