We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
