You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
