we made out on top of his cat.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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