3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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