why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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