just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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