i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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