so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
