I wannas sexs uuuuu
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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