I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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