i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
