Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
