we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
