i think my tv is drunk
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
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