I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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