I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
