Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
