you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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