I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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