I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Randomize
