You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
