Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
