Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
