someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize