I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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